young mom

I just watched this movie about a teen mom (yes it was on life time). It made me think a lot about my life. I was in the same place. I never thought it would happen to me. I was told over and over that I had "options". Really I didn't. I choose to have sex so I choose to be a parent. End of story. Was it easy? Hell no. I got a lot of shit from a lot of people. My mom wanted me to go the "mommy" school. Up until I was 4 1/2 months pregnant she tried to tell me about my "options". I stayed at my school. I worked my ass off. I went to day school and night school so that I could graduate my junior year. I went to school every day and listened to all the rumors that were being said about me. I quickly found out who my real friends were. And lets just say there weren't too many, no one wants to be friends with the pregnant girl. It amazes be everyone is having sex but only the pregnant one is a slut. It made things hard but I did it not only for me but for my son. I did to show other girls that you don't have to give up. That having a child isn't the end of your life it is the begins When I had my son it was so amazing. There is no way I could have ever let some one else raise him. When I was 15 (the year before I got pregnant) and looked 5 years ahead I saw myself doing what most 20 years do, going to college, dating and working. But now that I am 20 I couldn't picture my life any other way. When I tell people that I'm 20 and have 2 kids they look at me like I'm lying or crazy. Then the questions start coming at me. Some people would say that I made a mistake or screwed up my life. To those people I say shut the hell up. Until you have lived 1,000 days in my life you have no place to say a thing. My son has forever changed me and the way I look at things. If I could go back to 16 I would not change a thing. I would do it all over again if I had. I didn't screw up my life I made it better

Unlove

There is no way to unlove someone. Once you love some one, you will always love them. The way you love them may change but they will always be in your heart. Something will always remind you of them. They are forever with you. Sometimes you cant find new love because you cant unlove someone. To unlove someone means you never loved them in the first place. True love can never be undone. You can try to forget them but if you really loved them you heart wont let you. They are a memory burnt into your mind. They will never you leave. The question is: Are they suffering with the memory of your love just as you are? Do they feel the same as you? I wonder if it is ok not to unlove those people you have loved and have let go. "God determines who walks into your life....it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go."

Will it stop?

I wonder why people put up with shit they dont have to or need to put up with. Some people can be so ruthless and mean it is unreal. I think that they are only the way they are because they get away with it. No one ever makes them stop. They find people that will let them walk all over them and abuse them. Until some one stands up and says enough these bullies will never stop. I just wonder what it will take for some one to stand up for themselves. A person can only endure so much until they snap. By then it is too late. There is no turning back after that. People get stuck in a cycle. They start to think that it is normal. They think that is how things are suppose to be. The sad thing is that they are teaching the younger generations that it is ok to be this way or to put up with it. When really it isnt. No one should put up with shit that makes them unhappy. There is no reason to. If the younger generations think that it is ok they will teach their kids that it is ok and so on. It breaks my heart. I just hope and pray that the younger generations figure out that it isnt ok to mistreat and use someone

Alone?

It seems to me that people have a fear of being alone, unloved, not wanted. They are willing to stay were the should not in fear of feeling these feelings. They will put up with all the sadness and hurt that they go through just so they are not "alone". In all reality they are alone though. Just because you are with some one doesnt make you loved or wanted. It just lets you tell people you are not "alone". I think the real definition of alone is not to physically be alone but to be alone in your thoughts and emotions. If you cant share those with the person you want to share them with then you are truely alone.

Old Friends

Today I got a call from an old friend that is very special to me. This friend has done a lot for me and has taught me a lot about who I am and life. It is amazing how one person can bring so many feelings. I was so happy to hear from this friend but at the same time very heartbroken, because I miss my friend. In one phone call I felt so many emotions and had so many memories that we had shared flash through my head. I felt like we had never parted or lost contact. Like I could share anything and everything, and it would be ok, listened to, and cared about. This friend made me smile, laugh and feel good. It seems to me that no matter how far apart you are you aren't really apart. This friend still Know me as good as the day we went are separate ways. When asked how I was doing I gave the usual "fine". My friend could tell by my voice the truth and listened when I told the truth. It brings a song to mind: "I miss my friend" (its country for you who don't know it). A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words." - Sent by Donna Roberts